I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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