No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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