i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
