how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
