you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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