I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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