On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize