I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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