when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
