cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
