Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
