My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You took a bar mat shot.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize