Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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