He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
