all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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