the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
