whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
