So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish I only lived at night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
