Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
