I'm laying in your front yard are you home
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
