We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
