An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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