I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
