I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
