take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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