I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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