I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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