I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
