Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
