I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
