He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
