nut hugger
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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