a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
