i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I supernannyed him into submission
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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