This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
