the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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