Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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