sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
