So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize