I puked a lego.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
