I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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