Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
