So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
