fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
someone get that fucking seahorse.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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