Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
