Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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