You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
