dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
