oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
