the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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