Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
