im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize