Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
