FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
