Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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