You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
