she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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