I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
