why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
