Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
