I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
