TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
