Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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