I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got inside last night via doggy door
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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