Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
