Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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