bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
