My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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