I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
