there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
