I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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