i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can't motorboat a personality
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
