I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
