He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
