the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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