So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
