dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
