i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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