Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
