When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
