piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ok first of all what the fuck
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
