I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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