He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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