I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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