So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
