Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is my gift to your gina
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
