Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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