I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
