She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
