When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
