So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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