His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
