I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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