I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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