**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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