The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
