There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
