Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize