I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
