Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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