I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
