I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
