just come out here and I will go home with you...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
